no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
