I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
