my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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