Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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