guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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