so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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