so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
