i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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