WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
