Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
