there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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