we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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