Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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