Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The Olympian is in my bed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
