After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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