He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
