I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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