i think my tv is drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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