Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
