how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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