would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is Oprah even human
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
