I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
