Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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