My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
40s are totally the cure
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
