I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
