I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
