Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
