Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
