It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
