It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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