Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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