Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
