How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
