i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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