I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
