yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
