I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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