And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
