i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
