You're my little dorito
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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