Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
