yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
