do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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