I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
