so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
