Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
