he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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