Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
