The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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