I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
